Symptom 64: Attack Of The Star Wars Clones

This week we review the worst movie ever made - StarCrash. Seriously it is not possible to make a worse acted, directed, written, filmed, edited or produced movie, even if you tried. The only saving grace of this movie is that actress who plays Stella Star is in a bikini half the movie. Discount Han Solo can't act, Stella Star can barely read her lines, there is a robot that is a cross between a old western sheriff and Colonel Sanders. Christopher Plummer does a lot of ACTING! and can't save the film and David Hasselhoff is at his absolute worst, so bad it should have killed his career. There is no plot, there is no point, the resolution of the story makes no sense and the special effects are horrible for 1982.  At one point the Imperial Battleship is commanded to halt the flow of time. Its so bad...its bad and somehow this piece of s$%^ took 18 months to make. 

Symptom 63: This Film Will Give You Joy Joy Feelings

We kick off Sci-Fi Fondu, our exploration of cheesy science fiction with 1993's Demolition Man, the pun and cliche filled romp staring Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock and Captain Ben Maxwell from Star Trek The Next Generation. Ok, you know him better as the warden in The Shawshank Redemption.

This movie is often dismissed as another 90's action film with terrible comedy writing that panders to the lowest common denominator.  Yes, it is all of those things, as well as awesome. The strange thing is that as this film ages the message beneath it seems to grow more and more relevant.  But, this month is about cheesy science fiction and not the deeper meaning, so while there is a deep message about a stratified society controlled by extremists and the dangers of trading freedom for safety, rest assured we know the only question on your mind - how do the three seashells work? Well, we have an answer or three for that. 

 

Sci-Fi Fondu Month

This month on Sci-Fi Malady we are discussing the cheesy, over the top, sometimes cringe worthy science fiction. We are taking a step back and remembering that sometimes science fiction can be funny and that while Science Fiction movies are no longer low budget B flicks, the roots of the genre sometimes still shine through. 

Episode 62: An Expanded Cluster F@&%

Xenomorph March concludes with a discussion of the Alien expanded universe, including the novels, graphic novels and all the films after Alien Ripley Has A Weird Scene With Her Alien Surrogate Baby - I mean Alien Resurrection. Fair warning - for the most part we are discussing where this franchise went wrong. With Corey it is coming from a place of love, the rest of us, not from a place of hate, except for Prometheus, but more from a place of, ok, these are average movies that just can't recapture the magic of the first two. 

Next week we kick of Cheesy Sci-Fi month with Demolition Man. Get your three seashells ready. 

Symptom 61: Ripping On Ripley

Xenomorph March is going strong and this week, well, this week we move on from the great entries in the Aliens franchise into the one that, well, make no sense whatsoever. 

Alien to the power of 3 - the one where Ripley crash lands on a prison planet full of sex offenders and murderers and proceeds to become an idiot. Also known as the one where absolutely none of the characters aside from Ripley are likable or redeemable in any way. 

Alien Resurrection - The thing that almost ended Joss Whedon's career? You know, the one where they cloned Ripley 200 years later from some old blood samples to bring back the Xenomorph's because she had a queen in her? Yeah, her blood had human and alien DNA in it and that means a clone of her clones the growing Xenomorp and dear god, ok, lets say I buy this, why did it take 200 years to figure this out and try it? Also, this movie as well has almost no redeemable characters. We have shady military people killing civilians to grow Xenomorphs in an effort to weaponize them and we have horrible space pirates willing to kidnap people in cryofreeze and deliver them to be experimented on by the shady military jerks. Aside from the android all these characters are hatable, even Ripley because Ripley 8 is clearly not Ellen Ripley but some weird, soulless echo of her combined with an alien queen. We also get whatever the newborn is and that uncomfortable bonding scene between it and its adoptive mother, Ripley 8. No, don't youtube it if you have never seen it or are lucky enough to have deleted the dramatic memory from your brain, I am considering therapy to deal with having seen it. 

So yeah, Xenomorph gets to Alien Cubed and Resurrection this week. I'd like to say better things are ahead but next week we tackle Prometheus, AVP, AVP Requiem and Covenant. So, yeah, joy. Ok, Covenant was good and the first half of Prometheus was amazing, and AVP was a fun action movie, so there is some good ahead next week and we did find some good in both of these turd sandwiches this week. Maybe its just comparing them to the masterpieces that came before in Alien and Aliens that make them seem so bad...and maybe, they just aren't that good either. 

Symptom 60: We're In The Pipe 5 by 5

Xenomorph March continues as we move onto James Cameron's masterpiece, Aliens. This movie introduces us to the Queen, furthers our knowledge of the Xenomorph species as well as the universe Aliens takes place in. We also meet the colonial marines and of course Hudson. While this movie is great without Hudson, Bill Paxton's character gave us all the most memorable lines, lines which became mired in our social lexicon. 

It is not often that we as a crew all agree we love a movie, we all love this movie. 

Next week - Alien 3 and Resurrection.

Symptom 59: Screaming In Space

Xenomorph March is here! All this month we are going to explore the Aliens universe and we start with the sci-fi noir horror/survival classic that started it all - Alien. Ridley Scott's tour de force of non-verbal story telling holds up remarkably well almost 40 years later, including the facehugger prop and the overall feel and design of all the sets used in the film. It is insane to think this was done on an 11 million dollar budget. 

Next week, Aliens. 

RageMaster Rips A Clip IV

He's back. Well, Lord RageMaster is back. It's been a minute since we had a Rips A Clip supplemental. This time, Lord RageMaster turns his ire toward unnecessary and over the top fight scenes, such as the one that occurred in The Hobbit - The Desolation Of Smaug. I can't say I disagree. An awesome fight seen is one thing, concluding that the hero or villain in the fight is a godling or can only killed by a supernova, and maybe not then and only by direct impact from a gamma ray burst, well that is too much. 

Symptom 58: From Mom's Basement To Mainstream

Fantasy February wraps up with a discussion of how exactly Fantasy films have become mainstream. At one point in the past fantasy movies and stories were only for the nerdy. Today fantasy if for everyone. In Symptom 58 we discuss, sometimes contentiously, what the tipping point of this was. Was it as Lord Ragemaster says, DD? Or as Thomas feels, the internet allowing wider distribution and access? Did anime, Pokemon and Dragonball Z have a part in this journey? Was it Harry Potter? Or was Harry Potter and the success of the Lord of The Rings movies simply the proof that fantasy had at some point prior "gotten over" to steal a pro wrestling term for popular acceptance? We try to answer this question and I don't think we arrived at complete consensus, but undeniably, the main stream success of Game Of Thrones, The Lord of The Rings, The Hobbit and Harry Potter have proven that fantasy is no longer relegated to nerds dwelling mom's basement. 

Symptom 57: The Quest That Shall Not Be Named

Fantasy February takes a trip on the Hogwarts Express as we leave the land of Muggles and head into the Wizarding World. 

Lord Ragemaster was unable to join us this week for our discussion of all things Harry Potter. Clearly it would be impossible to discuss seven movies and books in one podcast, well, not one that we reasonably expect anyone to listen to, it would become and audio book. So, given the daunting task of compressing the Harry Potter universe into a one hourish podcast, this pair of muggles chose to focus on the three main characters of Harry, Hermione and Ron, as well as Dumbledore, Snape and Voldemort. 

Next week we wrap up Fantasy February with a discussion of how Fantasy became mainstream.  Next month we begin our review of the Alien franchise with Xenomorph March. 

Symptom 56: An Unexpected Trilogy

Fantasy February continues on Sci-Fi Malady as we review The Hobbit.  Prepare yourself for endless exposition, narration, voiceovers and well, occasionally, the advancement of the plot and action scenes.  If you have ever wanted to spend nearly two entire movies traveling to a mountain to fight a dragon, and watching a wizard do no wizarding for nearly two movies, well, this is your trilogy. 

Jokes aside, The Hobbit is a classic and J.R.R. Tolkien wrote a powerhouse work of fantasy that will be read as long as books and civilization exists. With the films there are great messages, such as what keeps evil at bay is everyday average people choosing to be good. While overly long The Hobbit, both film and novel, remains a must read and must view for any fan of fantasy.  

Symptom 55: Game Of Boobs

Fantasy February kicks off with a discussion of Game of Thrones, both the TV series and the books, although admittedly heavy on the TV series.  We talk about the character arcs for all of the primary players, as well as some themes and get into some theories as to where this thing may end up. We also try to figure out what happened with books four and five that really slowed down the series, and explain why we (Corey and Scott) believe the TV show is better than the novels. 

This week, Lord Ragemaster makes an appearance and he is very confused about this modern world he has found himself in. We also see a return of that Nick guy people swear was once on the podcast in that one episode or two.  

Symptom 54: It's Like, How Much More Sinister Can Black Mirror Get? The Answer Is None, None More Sinister

This week we conclude Black Mirror Month - well, Black Mirror half month, thanks to Old Man Winter. For Symptom 54 the crew discusses the season four, and maybe series, finale, Black Museum. This episode asks again if synthetic intelligence is truly alive but more directly asks the question of how extreme can a punishment for a criminal be? We spend a good part of this episode discussing just what cruel and unusual is. As you should expect, we did find consensus on any of these issues. 

Symptom 53: God Needs A Starship

This week Sci-Fi Malady returns to the twisted world of Black Mirror, the Netflix original series as we discuss the season four premier - USS Callister. Black Mirror has again returned to its stomping ground - artificial, or synthetic, or as we argue, non-biological life versus biological life. In this episode the writers of Black Mirror are also discussing cyber bullying and how the bullied can sometimes become the bully, although we don't really get to that aspect as we spend most of the show discussing whether the virtual copies of Robert Daly's co-workers are indeed alive and have any rights. The argument breaks along the lines it usually does when we discuss this, as you might expect. 

Next week we will stay in the Black Mirror universe and discuss either MetalHead or ArkAngel before concluding with Black Museum. While this symptom may have been more heated than others and with less consensus, one thing is sure, the Sci-Fi Malady crew loves Black Mirror. 

Time Loop: Wandering The Waste Land

This week was supposed to be a review of a season 4 Black Mirror Episode - but Snowmageddon scrapped that plan.  So while we work on getting out next weeks Episode, a review of the Black Mirror Episode USS Canister - here is a replay of an episode from way back at the beginning of Sci-Fi Malady - our review of the video game FallOut 4. There is no Ragemaster in this one but you do get Corey, Scott and that Nick guy in one of his rare appearances. 

Symptom 52: Additions and Subtractions

New Years Day is usually a time for reflection and thinking back on the year that was. Here at Sci-Fi we decided to do the same and this week we are amending prior opinions or expanding upon prior podcasts. Maybe we got something wrong, such as Scott's view on the Orville, or Ragemaster's original dislike of the score for BladeRunner 2049, or maybe, as in Corey's case, he wanted to discuss the DLC War of The Chosen for XCOM2. This week we re-visit our prior topics and either admit where we were wrong or add some new information. 

Next week we begin a three week coverage of Black Mirror Season 4 which will take us into Fantasy February, to be followed by Xenomorph April. 

 

Symptom 51: R2, I Don't Think We Are In Coruscant Anymore

It is time to talk about The Last Jedi. Yes, as the Ragemaster says in the open, it is a divisive movie. Critics almost universally love it, fans seem split. Depending on which fan you talk to, either most fans love it or most fans hate it and there is no way to factually prove it as different surveys say different things. 

This week Corey, Scott and the RageMaster discuss The Last Jedi, its strengths, weaknesses and why this movie seems to be either loved or reviled.  While we disagree on many things and two of us loved the movie and one of us very much disliked it, we are agree that this movie represents an evolution of Star Wars and that Rian Johnson has taken the franchise in a new direction. Not only has Star Wars departed from its traditional mythological epic roots, all of the original trilogy character, except Leia, who will not be in Episode 9, and Chewbacca, have been killed, so the slate has been cleared for Episode 9 and beyond to tell new stories, in a new style, with a focus on new characters and new story lines.  Additionally our heroes have become human, with all the inherent flaws, instead of larger than life perfect archetypes. 

Some fans love this. Some fans of a traditionalist nature, hate it. At its core this is the nature of the divisiveness. This Star Wars is a departure from all that we have seen and sends a clear message that we are never returning to the Star Wars of our childhoods. If you are ok with this, then The Last Jedi was a great and enjoyable film hat guarantees this franchise will be around for many more years with many new tales to entertain and thrill us. If you are not ok with this new direction then The Last Jedi represents a defilement and hijacking of something you loved and treasured and hence, you revile it. 

Regardless of whether you liked or disliked The Last Jedi one thing is certain - Star Wars is here to stay and it is not going anywhere anytime soon and Rian Johnson will be the man shaping the future vision. The Last Jedi is the indicator of what is to come. 

Symptom 50: Star Wars A New Hope - Flawed Perfection

The Last Jedi has been released to a wave of controversy. Some fans love it, some fans hate it. Of course critics have reviewed the film with a fine toothed comb and are quick to point out all its flaws. The thing is, flaws don't make a movie bad. This week is not about The Last Jedi - this week looks at Episode 4 - A New Hope, which is my favorite Star Wars movie and one of my favorite movies period. To prove that even movies that most fans think are great, and most fans think ANH is one of the best after Empire, I am going to point out some the cringe worthy ugliness in A New Hope - and at the same time tell you why it does not matter. Movies have flaws, that's not what matters, what matters is - did you enjoy the movie. 

Symptom 49: Have A Holly Jolly Holy Crap What Did I Just See!

Sometimes bad TV gets green lighted by absentee and clueless network executives. Sometimes the final product is so bad you wonder who had blackmail photos on who.  And sometimes the TV show in questions is The Star Wars Christmas Special. This abomination is so bad that you can only conclude everyone involved was either high or attempting to destroy their own careers and Star Wars, or both. 

Seriously, this thing has something that looks like the Jolly Green Giant as the Pied Piper if he as the Devil, 15 minutes of non-stop Wookie speak with no subtitles, Chewie's wife making dinner in a mop bucket and Art Carney giving Chewie's Dad soft core porn as a christmas gift, which we watches in the family living room. Not to mention, Chewie's kid - who once you see his serial killer   eyes can never be unseen. 

It is the Star Wars Christmas special - it is so bad you can only laugh.