Symptom 106: Valerian And The City Of...At Least It Looked Good

Space Kids Save The World!!!

I mean Valerian and the City Of…dear god this title is just to long. Valerian. There, I fixed your title. Pay me. Seriously, we can remember Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets. Shorter. Shorter, as my podcast title is longer.

This movie should have been amazing. Conceptually it has it all for space drama. An artificial construction in space that houses 1000’s of species, an interdimensional portal with two realities existing in the same space? A species devastated by two warring factions trying to reclaim its power? Power, witty, government/quasi military agents fighting for their lives and uncovering a military coverup? An effects budget that makes Michael Bay and JJ Abrams cry tears of joy? How was this not amazing?

Lack of a plot. Lack of a story. Bad acting. Horrific casting, dialogue that makes Anakin’s I hate sand speech sound like Romeo and Juliet in comparison. Oh, and yes, focusing way to much on the visual at the expense of telling any sort of story.

Valerian - the murdering of a concept with a movie that is two long, cramming at least two films into one, that is visually amazing at the expense of having any resources spent on plot - and 1000 worlds, or something.


Space Kids Save The Day In Technicolor CGI!!!!!